The pain of expectations.


When my son was born, it was a day of great rejoicing. Me and my wife were young, optimistic, and very positive, as only young people can be. Our life had its ups and down. But through all that our son grew up into a fine young man. He was well behaved, respectful towards us, good in studies. He  landed a good job and settled well. While at school he met his girl, and they married after a love affair of ten years. She is a Punjabi. We are Tamil Brahmins.
At first, my wife resisted the marriage, but later gave in, after a year of emotional upheaval. Our daughter in law’s parents were good human beings, kind and civil. So the relation between all of us was friendly, and pleasant.
We are a very religious community. We have set beliefs.  We have innumerable Gods, prayers, different worshipping methods, good and bad days, auspicious and inauspicious hours. All our important activities are done with many such considerations, like day, hour, phases of moon, star, and a very long list. So all our activities get delayed, due to such considerations.
The family  astrologer  and the family priest also have a say in almost all the activities, based on individual horoscopes. Also from time to time they recommend specific prayers, with fire as the main element, for longevity,  progeny, wealth and recovery from misfortune. Visits to various temples are also suggested.
I am open minded. More spiritual, less influenced by these dogmas. Our son does not believe in any of these.  So none of these apply in his activities.
Punjabis have no such restrictions. For them all the days and hours are good. They accept with equanimity both the pleasure and pain of life as blessing of the God. So all their activities are spontaneous and plans materialize quickly. 
When our non religious Son married a Punjabi girl, they were well met, as they had the same beliefs and concepts.
Sadly , my wife was left alone with her faith. Neither I , nor our son, or his family saw eye to eye with her.  Fearing inordinate delay in all activities, we were not informed about many events, by our son. I could see the changes objectively. But life became very traumatic for my wife.
Though there was love and affection, there was no openness. Understandable. But hurting for my wife. I was cool to the changes, as I could carry on with my life peacefully as I had no expectations of any one.
But it is not so for my wife, who felt neglected and sad. In spite of my reasoning with her, the staunch faith she had in our religion and its demands, prevented her from finding happiness, which is so within our reach. I feel sorry for people who make a mess of their lives because of the man made systems and beliefs. They refuse to see man as a part of the Nature in all his freedom to live a happy carefree life. For them our definitions of life is more relevant than the stark realities of our free spirit.
Outside of the bird’s cage is the same space, but in its unlimited form. Even though the bird has access to open the door and fly into unlimited freedom, it prefers to stay imprisoned in its limitations and bear the pain of unfulfilled expectations.   

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