LET GO

It was 1979. I was 25 years old. I had changed companies. So my headquarters was Trichy . My mother had two elder sisters, and a younger brother. My mother’s  younger brother lived in Trichy. We, in our community call them as “Mama. “ This is the same as maternal uncle.
 During those days, relatives used to stay in any relative’s house for months together.  MY Mama’s three children, [ two girls and a son] used  to often stay at our house in Chennai, for months at a stretch.
So when my Mother suggested that I stay with my Mama, I accepted the idea without a thought.
I checked into my Mama’s house. He had married the eldest sister’s daughter. So his wife was related to me in two ways; both as uncle’s wife [Mami], and also as my elder sister.
A week went by. And my Mami did not like my presence in their house. She started dropping hints.
The breakfast was over , by the time I came to the dining table. The was not enough hot water for me to bathe.
This was my first experience at being unwelcome. It hurt a lot. Then one day when I returned from work, the house was filled with the aroma of my favorite sweet… know as Jangiri, which a south Indian version of Jalebi.
They had made two containers of Jangiri and stacked it away safely.  She did not even give me a single piece.
I felt so bad at the event. My mother was very generous and had, on many occasions treated this family very well by being a hospitable host. So when I got this mean minded treatment from the same relatives who had exploited my mother’s generosity, I felt a righteous anger.
The same weekend I moved out into a lodge.
That  day I made up my mind never ever again to stay in any of my relative’s residence. I also made up my mind not to be exploited by such relatives. These two decisions, helped me much in my life. 
My metal antenna would pick up the mildest signals of  someone trying to exploit me, and I would always be on my guard.  I was not afraid to say “No “ to many undeserving people.
But this Jangiri incident had left deep scars. much later, even after I had married, had a son, become a FIL, and a Grandfather, the scar remained. 
One day I quoted this Jangiri incident for the Nth time to my wife.  She smiled and told me, “ You have repeated this incident more than 100 times to me.  Your Mama and Mami are dead now. When this incident happened you were 25 years old.  Today you are 65 years old. Don’t you think you should move on? “
That opened my mind. I realized that I had been  holding too long on to a trivial incident and had blown it out of proportion. I suddenly felt silly  and immature. I smiled sheepishly.
Today I saw on a Whatsapp status, a quote.
It read as …..
IF YOU FOCUS ON THE HURT, YOU WILL CONTINUE TO SUFFER.
IF YOU FOCUS ON THE LESSON, YOU WILL CONTINUE TO GROW.
Which is why I wanted to share my story. Hope you all too learn to let go.

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